Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A transcription of the press conference I held in anticipation of this blog getting 250 hits
[Loud crowd noise because so many people are in attendance. I step to the mic and tap it to get everyone’s attention]
Me: Hello all and thank you for coming. A great time is approaching – a time when we here at the “Sean Goes to Chicago” blog will be able to say that we have had two-hundred-fifty hits!
[Huge applause and wooting. I hold my hands up to calm people down, which is almost impossible, but it happens eventually.]
Me: We, meaning my staff of fifteen including writers, editors and account executives, have worked really hard to get here but we couldn’t have done it without all of you!
[More applause. I wait for it to settle.]
Me: That’s really all I have planned to say. I would now like to answer questions from the press.
[A million hands go up.]
Me: Yes, Ted, from the New York Times.
Ted: For those struggling writers among us, would you please give some words of advice on how to accomplish something so totally sweet as getting two-hundred fifty hits on a blog.
Me: Well, Ted, the key is starting a blog and then telling your friends that you have started a blog. Then, and here’s where it get’s tricky, you need to tell your friends how they can access your blog so they can go look at it and give you hits. Sometimes your friends have friends of their own and they tell those friends about your blog and then you get more hits, but that’s a bit complicated for beginners. Next question: Stacy from NPR.
Stacy: How do you know how many hits you have?
Me: I have a little ticker thing at the bottom of the site.
Stacy: Did you put that on as soon as you got the blog?
Me: No. I got it after like two days or something.
Stacy: So, does that mean you could already have two-hundred-fifty hits or even more?
[Amazed gasps.]
Me: Folks, folks. Please calm down. While this could be the truth, I refuse to endorse such a wild theory. We have always used the ticker thing and we always will, unless ticker things stop being used by all other blogs. Then we’ll use whatever the new ticker thing is. Next question: Craig from MTV.
Craig: This isn’t a question, but a just a thanks for buying each and every one of us these super swanky expensive bottles of champagne.
Everyone: Amen to that!
Me: No problem guys. Next question: M.I.A.
M.I.A.: Hey, you haven’t called to hang out at all this week. What’s going on?
Me: I’ve just been busy with the whole blog-getting-two-hundred- fifty-hits thing. I’m free tomorrow. Wanna play some ski-ball or something?
M.I.A.: Yeah, I’m down.
Me: Tight. Next question: Kyle from the New Yorker.
Kyle: What do you have to say about the large group of people who think two-hundred-fifty hits isn’t an impressive number of hits for a blog to have?
Me: I’d say that those are the same people who would think that this press conference isn’t even happening right now!
[Everyone laughs at how ridiculous that idea is and then M.I.A. starts spontaneously DJ-ing a rave dance party. Everyone goes wild and gets crunk off their really expensive champagne.]
Me: Hello all and thank you for coming. A great time is approaching – a time when we here at the “Sean Goes to Chicago” blog will be able to say that we have had two-hundred-fifty hits!
[Huge applause and wooting. I hold my hands up to calm people down, which is almost impossible, but it happens eventually.]
Me: We, meaning my staff of fifteen including writers, editors and account executives, have worked really hard to get here but we couldn’t have done it without all of you!
[More applause. I wait for it to settle.]
Me: That’s really all I have planned to say. I would now like to answer questions from the press.
[A million hands go up.]
Me: Yes, Ted, from the New York Times.
Ted: For those struggling writers among us, would you please give some words of advice on how to accomplish something so totally sweet as getting two-hundred fifty hits on a blog.
Me: Well, Ted, the key is starting a blog and then telling your friends that you have started a blog. Then, and here’s where it get’s tricky, you need to tell your friends how they can access your blog so they can go look at it and give you hits. Sometimes your friends have friends of their own and they tell those friends about your blog and then you get more hits, but that’s a bit complicated for beginners. Next question: Stacy from NPR.
Stacy: How do you know how many hits you have?
Me: I have a little ticker thing at the bottom of the site.
Stacy: Did you put that on as soon as you got the blog?
Me: No. I got it after like two days or something.
Stacy: So, does that mean you could already have two-hundred-fifty hits or even more?
[Amazed gasps.]
Me: Folks, folks. Please calm down. While this could be the truth, I refuse to endorse such a wild theory. We have always used the ticker thing and we always will, unless ticker things stop being used by all other blogs. Then we’ll use whatever the new ticker thing is. Next question: Craig from MTV.
Craig: This isn’t a question, but a just a thanks for buying each and every one of us these super swanky expensive bottles of champagne.
Everyone: Amen to that!
Me: No problem guys. Next question: M.I.A.
M.I.A.: Hey, you haven’t called to hang out at all this week. What’s going on?
Me: I’ve just been busy with the whole blog-getting-two-hundred- fifty-hits thing. I’m free tomorrow. Wanna play some ski-ball or something?
M.I.A.: Yeah, I’m down.
Me: Tight. Next question: Kyle from the New Yorker.
Kyle: What do you have to say about the large group of people who think two-hundred-fifty hits isn’t an impressive number of hits for a blog to have?
Me: I’d say that those are the same people who would think that this press conference isn’t even happening right now!
[Everyone laughs at how ridiculous that idea is and then M.I.A. starts spontaneously DJ-ing a rave dance party. Everyone goes wild and gets crunk off their really expensive champagne.]
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