As a person born with legs you’re probably thinking, “I’m one of the lucky people in this world.” But all great things like legs come with great risk. One such risk you run as a person with legs is breaking one or both of them. Here’s some advice for when that happens.
1. Make sure you’re clear about what happened. Where are you? What were you doing? Who else is there? Take in as much detail as possible. Maybe even take some notes. Recite the whole thing to yourself once a week even after you’re all healed up. This way, if you’re at a party and a bunch of cool people are exchanging that-time-I-hurt-myself-really-bad stories, you can contribute and get popular.
2. Choose the right ambulance service for you. Just because you’re crying and in a great deal of pain doesn’t mean you need to settle for whatever crappy ambulance the hospital tries to send you. Log on to Google. Do some research. Read some customer reviews. Who knows when you’ll have another chance to ride in an ambulance. Make the most of it.
3. Get some thinking done. Are you a woman? Are you not enjoying the pain that your broken leg is causing? Are you thinking about having children at some point in your life? Well, I’ve got some bad news for you. Child birth, from what I hear, hurts too. And it comes with a baby you need to take care of for a while. Think about this: what if, when you broke your leg, a baby popped out of it? If that thought makes you uncomfortable you’re probably shouldn’t have kids ever.
4. Relax and enjoy yourself. Doesn’t it seem like you spend all of your time thinking about others but no one ever wants to know how you’re doing? Well, guess what – by breaking your leg you just bought yourself an express ticket to complete, undivided attention-ville, unless you broke your leg by stepping in a pothole while competing in a three-legged race. Then there’s a good chance that someone else is in the exact same situation as you and will take some of that attention away. If this happens, ask your partner how bad their leg hurts and then one-up it.
5. Practice leg abstinence. One-hundred percent of all leg injuries happen because people who have legs think they need to use them. The only way to avoid breaking your leg is to not use your legs at all.
1. Make sure you’re clear about what happened. Where are you? What were you doing? Who else is there? Take in as much detail as possible. Maybe even take some notes. Recite the whole thing to yourself once a week even after you’re all healed up. This way, if you’re at a party and a bunch of cool people are exchanging that-time-I-hurt-myself-really-bad stories, you can contribute and get popular.
2. Choose the right ambulance service for you. Just because you’re crying and in a great deal of pain doesn’t mean you need to settle for whatever crappy ambulance the hospital tries to send you. Log on to Google. Do some research. Read some customer reviews. Who knows when you’ll have another chance to ride in an ambulance. Make the most of it.
3. Get some thinking done. Are you a woman? Are you not enjoying the pain that your broken leg is causing? Are you thinking about having children at some point in your life? Well, I’ve got some bad news for you. Child birth, from what I hear, hurts too. And it comes with a baby you need to take care of for a while. Think about this: what if, when you broke your leg, a baby popped out of it? If that thought makes you uncomfortable you’re probably shouldn’t have kids ever.
4. Relax and enjoy yourself. Doesn’t it seem like you spend all of your time thinking about others but no one ever wants to know how you’re doing? Well, guess what – by breaking your leg you just bought yourself an express ticket to complete, undivided attention-ville, unless you broke your leg by stepping in a pothole while competing in a three-legged race. Then there’s a good chance that someone else is in the exact same situation as you and will take some of that attention away. If this happens, ask your partner how bad their leg hurts and then one-up it.
5. Practice leg abstinence. One-hundred percent of all leg injuries happen because people who have legs think they need to use them. The only way to avoid breaking your leg is to not use your legs at all.
2 comments:
so good! also, i am totally guilty of committing #1. but i don't take notes or anything, i just have an abnormally awesome memory for situations like that. i mean, what's funnier than tearing your ACL dancing [sober at rollerama] to "it takes two" by dj rob base? NOTHING! not even this blog or the time a tree fell on your car.
oh my god, did i just try to one up your blog?
also, hi! i'm so happy you're updating.
Hey man. I've read every one of your posts like eight times now. I need something new! I want more! More more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more! I typed all those out by hand. I thought i needed to expand my comment in length but not in value.
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