Friday, June 6, 2008

My imagined first day in Chicago

A Blue Ford Focus pulls up to a beautiful gate, above which is a tasteful golden sign that reads “Chicago.” Sean gets out of the car to look for a way to open the gate. A breeze rushes by.

Sean: What a pleasant breeze.

A guard appears from nowhere.

Guard: It certainly is. In fact, Chicago’s original nickname was “The Pleasantly Breezy City,” but that wasn’t catchy enough, so we changed it to “The Windy City.”

Sean: Whoa, where’d you come from?

Guard: Don’t worry about it, Sean.

Sean: You know my name?

Guard: Yes. We’ve been eagerly awaiting your arrival, Sean.

Sean: That’s so nice of you. Will you open the gate so that I can drive in?

Guard: You don’t need your car here, Sean. You can take the hoverbus anywhere you’d like to go!

Sean: The what?

Guard: The hoverbus!

The guard whistles and the hoverbus appears.

Sean: Whoa, that thing must be a beast on gas!

Guard: Actually it’s entirely eco friendly. It runs on salt water.

Sean: Do you have to ship that from the ocean?

Guard: No we simply collect the tears of the billions of people who wish they lived in Chicago. Why don’t you hop on board?

In the hoverbus: everything is clean and instead of uncomfortable benches everyone is sitting in huge recliners. Sean sits down in an open one. He looks around. Almost everyone is young, well-dressed has an intelligent sense of humor.

Driver: All aboard! Next stop: candy.

Passenger 1: You must be, Sean. It’s so nice to finally meet you!

Sean: Thanks so much. Everyone here is so nice!

Passenger 2: We sure are, Sean. Anything you need help with?

Sean: Well, I could use some help finding a job.

Passenger 3: Don’t worry about that, Sean. The universe pays Chicago zillions of dollars a year just to exist, so all of the residents get paychecks.

Passenger 4: Here is yours, for eight thousand dollars!

Sean: Eight thousand dollars a week?

Passenger 1: No, eight thousand dollars a day.

Sean: Sweet. But wait, then what’s up with this homeless guy next to me?

Homeless Guy: My dressing and smelling like this is a lifestyle choice. I actually own a Jetta and a penthouse apartment.

Sean: Wow!

The hoverbus stops. Barack Obama gets on.

Sean: Is that Barack Obama?

Passenger 2: Sure is. It’s funny, everywhere else in the country, he’s this huge national figure, but here in Chicago, he just hangs out.

Barack Obama: Hey, Sean. It’s nice to meet you.

Sean: It’s nice to meet you Senator Obama.

Barack Obama: Please, just call me pal or bud or something. You seem like a cool guy, Sean. So cool that I would like to ask you to take my place in the current presidential race.

Sean: No way!

Passenger 3: Be careful, Sean! He’s just offering that to you because he never wants to leave Chicago!

Passenger 4: Yeah, he offers his Presidential candidacy to all the new guys.
Sean: Is that true, pal?

Barack Obama: You caught me!

Sean: But haven’t you been away from Chicago with all of your campaigning?

Barack Obama: That’s what I’ve got an android for, Sean. I figure if worst comes to worst, and I get elected, I’ll just let my android run stuff so I can chill here in the Chi-town. Or maybe I’ll just bring the white house here. Oh this looks like my stop. Gotta go. Here’s a piece of paper with my cell phone number on it. We should hang out and get some brews or something.

Sean: This place is so awesome!

Driver: All aboard! Next stop: bouncy castles.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

pffft. boston has had bouncy castles since the 17th century.

Tyler Twombly said...

That was awesome.