A Blue Ford Focus pulls up to a beautiful gate, above which is a tasteful golden sign that reads “Chicago.” Sean gets out of the car to look for a way to open the gate. A breeze rushes by.
Sean: What a pleasant breeze.
A guard appears from nowhere.
Guard: It certainly is. In fact, Chicago’s original nickname was “The Pleasantly Breezy City,” but that wasn’t catchy enough, so we changed it to “The Windy City.”
Sean: Whoa, where’d you come from?
Guard: Don’t worry about it, Sean.
Sean: You know my name?
Guard: Yes. We’ve been eagerly awaiting your arrival, Sean.
Sean: That’s so nice of you. Will you open the gate so that I can drive in?
Guard: You don’t need your car here, Sean. You can take the hoverbus anywhere you’d like to go!
Sean: The what?
Guard: The hoverbus!
The guard whistles and the hoverbus appears.
Sean: Whoa, that thing must be a beast on gas!
Guard: Actually it’s entirely eco friendly. It runs on salt water.
Sean: Do you have to ship that from the ocean?
Guard: No we simply collect the tears of the billions of people who wish they lived in Chicago. Why don’t you hop on board?
In the hoverbus: everything is clean and instead of uncomfortable benches everyone is sitting in huge recliners. Sean sits down in an open one. He looks around. Almost everyone is young, well-dressed has an intelligent sense of humor.
Driver: All aboard! Next stop: candy.
Passenger 1: You must be, Sean. It’s so nice to finally meet you!
Sean: Thanks so much. Everyone here is so nice!
Passenger 2: We sure are, Sean. Anything you need help with?
Sean: Well, I could use some help finding a job.
Passenger 3: Don’t worry about that, Sean. The universe pays Chicago zillions of dollars a year just to exist, so all of the residents get paychecks.
Passenger 4: Here is yours, for eight thousand dollars!
Sean: Eight thousand dollars a week?
Passenger 1: No, eight thousand dollars a day.
Sean: Sweet. But wait, then what’s up with this homeless guy next to me?
Homeless Guy: My dressing and smelling like this is a lifestyle choice. I actually own a Jetta and a penthouse apartment.
Sean: Wow!
The hoverbus stops. Barack Obama gets on.
Sean: Is that Barack Obama?
Passenger 2: Sure is. It’s funny, everywhere else in the country, he’s this huge national figure, but here in Chicago, he just hangs out.
Barack Obama: Hey, Sean. It’s nice to meet you.
Sean: It’s nice to meet you Senator Obama.
Barack Obama: Please, just call me pal or bud or something. You seem like a cool guy, Sean. So cool that I would like to ask you to take my place in the current presidential race.
Sean: No way!
Passenger 3: Be careful, Sean! He’s just offering that to you because he never wants to leave Chicago!
Passenger 4: Yeah, he offers his Presidential candidacy to all the new guys.
Sean: Is that true, pal?
Barack Obama: You caught me!
Sean: But haven’t you been away from Chicago with all of your campaigning?
Barack Obama: That’s what I’ve got an android for, Sean. I figure if worst comes to worst, and I get elected, I’ll just let my android run stuff so I can chill here in the Chi-town. Or maybe I’ll just bring the white house here. Oh this looks like my stop. Gotta go. Here’s a piece of paper with my cell phone number on it. We should hang out and get some brews or something.
Sean: This place is so awesome!
Driver: All aboard! Next stop: bouncy castles.
Sean: What a pleasant breeze.
A guard appears from nowhere.
Guard: It certainly is. In fact, Chicago’s original nickname was “The Pleasantly Breezy City,” but that wasn’t catchy enough, so we changed it to “The Windy City.”
Sean: Whoa, where’d you come from?
Guard: Don’t worry about it, Sean.
Sean: You know my name?
Guard: Yes. We’ve been eagerly awaiting your arrival, Sean.
Sean: That’s so nice of you. Will you open the gate so that I can drive in?
Guard: You don’t need your car here, Sean. You can take the hoverbus anywhere you’d like to go!
Sean: The what?
Guard: The hoverbus!
The guard whistles and the hoverbus appears.
Sean: Whoa, that thing must be a beast on gas!
Guard: Actually it’s entirely eco friendly. It runs on salt water.
Sean: Do you have to ship that from the ocean?
Guard: No we simply collect the tears of the billions of people who wish they lived in Chicago. Why don’t you hop on board?
In the hoverbus: everything is clean and instead of uncomfortable benches everyone is sitting in huge recliners. Sean sits down in an open one. He looks around. Almost everyone is young, well-dressed has an intelligent sense of humor.
Driver: All aboard! Next stop: candy.
Passenger 1: You must be, Sean. It’s so nice to finally meet you!
Sean: Thanks so much. Everyone here is so nice!
Passenger 2: We sure are, Sean. Anything you need help with?
Sean: Well, I could use some help finding a job.
Passenger 3: Don’t worry about that, Sean. The universe pays Chicago zillions of dollars a year just to exist, so all of the residents get paychecks.
Passenger 4: Here is yours, for eight thousand dollars!
Sean: Eight thousand dollars a week?
Passenger 1: No, eight thousand dollars a day.
Sean: Sweet. But wait, then what’s up with this homeless guy next to me?
Homeless Guy: My dressing and smelling like this is a lifestyle choice. I actually own a Jetta and a penthouse apartment.
Sean: Wow!
The hoverbus stops. Barack Obama gets on.
Sean: Is that Barack Obama?
Passenger 2: Sure is. It’s funny, everywhere else in the country, he’s this huge national figure, but here in Chicago, he just hangs out.
Barack Obama: Hey, Sean. It’s nice to meet you.
Sean: It’s nice to meet you Senator Obama.
Barack Obama: Please, just call me pal or bud or something. You seem like a cool guy, Sean. So cool that I would like to ask you to take my place in the current presidential race.
Sean: No way!
Passenger 3: Be careful, Sean! He’s just offering that to you because he never wants to leave Chicago!
Passenger 4: Yeah, he offers his Presidential candidacy to all the new guys.
Sean: Is that true, pal?
Barack Obama: You caught me!
Sean: But haven’t you been away from Chicago with all of your campaigning?
Barack Obama: That’s what I’ve got an android for, Sean. I figure if worst comes to worst, and I get elected, I’ll just let my android run stuff so I can chill here in the Chi-town. Or maybe I’ll just bring the white house here. Oh this looks like my stop. Gotta go. Here’s a piece of paper with my cell phone number on it. We should hang out and get some brews or something.
Sean: This place is so awesome!
Driver: All aboard! Next stop: bouncy castles.
2 comments:
pffft. boston has had bouncy castles since the 17th century.
That was awesome.
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