I live in the coolest, hippest, most fun city in America – Universal Studios, Florida. Every morning I eat a balanced breakfast of two eggs, two pieces of buttered toast, three waffles, a bowl of coco puffs, a bowl of cookie crisp, a bowl of lucky charms – just the marshmallows – and a Mountain Dew slushie. Oh, and of course I have some Flintstone vitamins because I care about my health!
I have the best job in the world. I’m a train conductor. I drive a train all over the U.S. delivering puppies and kittens to pet stores. Puppies and kittens can get pretty sad on a trip around the country and if they’re sad, no kids will want to buy them, so it’s also part of my job to put the train on autopilot every twenty minutes and go play with the puppies and kittens. And every shipment has one extra puppy or kitten so I have to keep one. Did I mention the puppies and kittens that I have to keep are a weird, special kind that never grow old, never die and never poop?
Being a train conductor is a dangerous job. There are a lot of bandits and robbers and evil villains trying to steal my precious, cute cargo. Because of this I am armed with, an M-16, a 9mm pistol, a shotgun, an AK-47 assault rifle, a bazooka, and two Uzis. I also have an F-16 fighter jet on the top of the train, in case there’s stuff on the tracks that I need to fly ahead and blow up.
I don’t have a lot of time off, which is ok because being a train conductor is super awesome so I like my job! When I do have time off, I mostly just hang out at home – which is a mansion. I don’t take many vacations because I live in Universal Studios, so where could I possibly go that could be cooler?!
I’m married to Stephanie, from Full House. Not Jodie Sweetin, the actress who played Stephanie, but the character, Stephanie. It was funny when she introduced me to her family for the first time, because I already knew them so well.
I don’t hang out with Stephanie that much, though, because she’s a girl and I’m a guy, and I don’t want to be seen in public with a girl. Mostly I hang out with my guy friends, doing karate and shooting guns. Did I mention that my guy friends include the members of Green Day, Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Live? How am I friends with so many musicians? It’s simple. Having never stopped taking piano lessons, I am now the best piano player in the world. So obviously I was asked to join a bunch of famous bands. I write most of their songs for them now.
I have the best job in the world. I’m a train conductor. I drive a train all over the U.S. delivering puppies and kittens to pet stores. Puppies and kittens can get pretty sad on a trip around the country and if they’re sad, no kids will want to buy them, so it’s also part of my job to put the train on autopilot every twenty minutes and go play with the puppies and kittens. And every shipment has one extra puppy or kitten so I have to keep one. Did I mention the puppies and kittens that I have to keep are a weird, special kind that never grow old, never die and never poop?
Being a train conductor is a dangerous job. There are a lot of bandits and robbers and evil villains trying to steal my precious, cute cargo. Because of this I am armed with, an M-16, a 9mm pistol, a shotgun, an AK-47 assault rifle, a bazooka, and two Uzis. I also have an F-16 fighter jet on the top of the train, in case there’s stuff on the tracks that I need to fly ahead and blow up.
I don’t have a lot of time off, which is ok because being a train conductor is super awesome so I like my job! When I do have time off, I mostly just hang out at home – which is a mansion. I don’t take many vacations because I live in Universal Studios, so where could I possibly go that could be cooler?!
I’m married to Stephanie, from Full House. Not Jodie Sweetin, the actress who played Stephanie, but the character, Stephanie. It was funny when she introduced me to her family for the first time, because I already knew them so well.
I don’t hang out with Stephanie that much, though, because she’s a girl and I’m a guy, and I don’t want to be seen in public with a girl. Mostly I hang out with my guy friends, doing karate and shooting guns. Did I mention that my guy friends include the members of Green Day, Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Live? How am I friends with so many musicians? It’s simple. Having never stopped taking piano lessons, I am now the best piano player in the world. So obviously I was asked to join a bunch of famous bands. I write most of their songs for them now.
2 comments:
i'm glad you put this up; it's one of my favorites
I hope you never stood Stephanie up for any dates like that rat bastard Andrew Keegan.
Post a Comment